Yichun

I look down on myself for being who I am.

ever since A levels, i have failed all my scholarship interviews, got an abysmal score of 1920 for my SAT, failed driving test twice with disgraceful accumulations of 48 points and 32 points respectively (just failed with 32 point). i cannot forgive myself for all these failures and mistakes. i have always wanted myself to excel in everything i do, if not i would rather not do it at all. all these things have made me reflect but at the same time i could not forgive myself for having failed in so many things. it is like an obstruction in my life. i know there is always a second chance but the very fact that i just could not live pass the fact that i have not excel and succeeded in my first try. having said that, i'm not giving up. i'm planning to re-take SAT, have signed up for my third driving test and try for other scholarships. physically i'm giving myself second chances but deep inside i still cannot forget and forgive myself for my failures. i'm at cross-roads now. i feel extremely disappointed with myself. any kind soul there who knows how to cope with these kind of situation? i need help and i think i need to see a psychiatrist. i feel like a scum on the Earth for i'm just a failure...

i could not find motivation and drive for myself and look ahead towards my future.

sigh. i'm nothing but a total failure. one that is maybe better theoretically but absolutely not practically. i'm at a lost. i'm destined to be a failure in life.

hello! i'm back!

spent the whole of last saturday shifting the computer to my room from the study room and manually linking the internet connection. my dad refused to go wireless as he claims that the signal always break. thanks to his help the computer is up and running in my room! so now i cam literally jump on my bed when i want to sleep from too much internet surfing and online chatting.

was finding this song which i heard at the end of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and i realised that it is from "Bethena" by Scott Joplin. I like his rags and of course this beautiful piece! Hopefully i would have the time and patience to learn this piece. Still finding the sheet music though.

Here's the ending to the epic-length movie which i thought cleverly summed it up giving me a lasting impression of the whole movie. of course the music definitely adds an excellent touch to the overall melacholy mood.